Well, duh, when you don’t add an Ogre option, of course the damn Vampire is going to be at first place.
If you added an Ogre option, I can guarantee it would’ve gotten at least twice, no, thrice, no, TEN TIMES the amount of votes Genevieve got.
We all know, deep down in our sub-par at best guts, that Ogres are superior to literally everyone in literally every single imaginable way possible. Period.
And that’s a fact.
He’s stronger than you, he’s T H I C C E R than you, and if you invite this man to an eating contest, boy, well I gotta say, you just played yourself, good sir.
No matter how much the universe seems to make his life miserable, the Ogre doesn’t care, why would he? He cannot be concerned with such mortals affairs, it’s beneath him.
The existential dangers of being alive in the Warhammer world doesn’t even faze him in the slightest, he’s too pure to let something like that ruin his day.
There’s a great mantra amongst Ogre kind, passed down from great grandpa Ogre, to great grandson Ogre:
"First we’re gonna beat it, then we’re gonna eat it. "
What’s the Ogre’s solution to everything life throws at him? First he beats it, then he eats it.
See a nice leftover meal in the fridge? Beat it and eat it.
See a fridge? Beat it and eat it.
Neighbor’s dog is annoying? Beat it and eat it.
Said dog left a turd on your lawn? Beat it and eat it.
Guy trying to break into your house? Beat him and eat him.
Tax collector trying to take your hard-earned cash? Beat him and eat him.
Stubbed your toe? Beat it and eat it.
Morning wood? Beat it and eat it.
Depression kicking in? Beat it and eat it.
Wife left you and took the kids? Beat the w- no, don’t.
See this man?
This.
This is peak, male performance.
You may not like it.
But this is it.
And no damn Vampire is going to be able to achieve this godlike state of being, this pure T H I C C N E S S I tell ya what.
If you’re not in sheer awe at the size of this lad, this ABSOLUTE UNIT, you’re a damn liar.
And that’s a fact.
This big boi treats himself daily with some quality Micky D’s, 'cause he got himself hella munchies.
…then he treats himself with the employees as well, but let’s not talk about that.
How would you go about beating a FUPA lord like this?
Ya can’t.
None of us can.
…maybe George Costanza could, but that guy beat the Interplanetary Sorceror with a tooth pick in one hit, whilst he was drunk, half-asleep, and blindfolded, so he can beat anybody.
Now, with that out of the way, excuse me while I go take on another hundred pounds.