no need to be sorry, when pirx and I went to lan parties in the vicinity, we were shortly after barred from tournaments cause the 2 of us played their complete roster to the point of jumping from a bridge 
having recorded every match and creating a mocking-video from it come next tournament, which soon had a greater audience than the event itself didn’t help with our “popularity” with the peeps organizing the event 
quake live I ended on a ~20+k/d and last game I played online was bf5 with a steady upwards 5+ and top 0.3%medic before I called online pvp quits as too stressful.
course I lost some matches back in the day but when mtw and schroet kommando as top 1 and 2 esl clans had their folk around, it was a welcome lesson as well.
thats exactly my point.
havoc isn’t “hard” as in ever shifting requirements to beat a totally different behaving enemy.
havoc is pick 3 good players, put em in meta gear and fight the waves of attrition the game throws at you.
breaking your opponent to the point he starts making nervous mistakes or screams throughout the whole sports hall, is something different altogether and a different feeling of “satisfaction”
breaking your opponent to the point he uninstalls the game and never returns to any tournaments again….

we had folk that were too devastated to write /quit in the console and instead immortalized themselves with “uitz” since even back then we recorded every match 
at soon 46 and 32 years of pvp from doom 2 onwards, its time to “retire” on that front.
plenty of “nabbels gehähnt” 
btw, that you mention it, elephant memories pop back in of esl matches in call of duty 1 (yes one, uno, the first
) when we had our strafe jumping down to a “t” we were past the middle building in carentan before the enemy even left much of his starting area 
shame those “demos” are lost to time.